A Valentine's Day Nightmare
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: [Parody of 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'] Cupid is going wild, making everyone fall in love with the wrong person! Random oneshot. Pairings: Oh geez...EdxAyuOC, EdxEliOC, RoyxAyu, RoyxEli, EdxRoy [only slightly]


**Yay! I love V-day (no, it's not Vic Day like I keep thinkingit is) It's the day of lovers! Yaaaay! I got showered in chocolates, which was useful cause I got my…uh…-cough- Anyway!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own FMA. That's Hiromu Arakawa! And I don't own A Midsummer's Night Dream (which this is a parody of) That's Billy Shake!**

**HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY / SINGLE AWARENESS DAY!!**

---

Ah, Valentine's Day. A time for love, merriment and romance. And also despair for the dateless. But for those in love, ah, what a day.

Even here in Central HQ love is blossoming. The lovebirds were known around here as Fullmetal and Demonic Soul. Translation: Edward Elric and Ayumi Arumatsu.

The hot couple had been seen dating, and people knew they had been for 6 months. Finally, they announced their engagement. But unfortunately, people did not approve, seeing a certain Flame Alchemist was known for pining for Ayumi.

And who could blame him? Everyone knows that Ayumi flirts with countless men, always wearing revealing clothes and basically attracting attention. She never seemed to notice, no matter how many guys were attracted to her.

People were trying to push the two together and Ayumi was getting sick of it. "Ugh, I'm sick of this!" She complained to one of her closest friends Eli. Eli was in love with Roy, and tried hard for him to return her love. She was also popular with the guys, though she turned them all down.

"Quit whining Ayumi." Eli snapped, sighing heavily.

"I'm sorry Eli, but I'm so tired of it." Ayumi said with a pout. "Why can't people leave us alone?"

"You're lucky. You get to be with Roy." Eli said, pushing back her straight, shoulder length black hair.

"I don't _want_ to be with Roy!" Ayumi stamped her foot angrily.

"Okay, fine." Eli said with another sigh. It was basically pointless trying to reason with Ayumi, being as stubborn as she is.

"I'm being forced to marry him." Ayumi muttered, twisting a long strand of her black hair around a delicate finger. "On Valentine's Day." She made a small gagging sound.

"That's horrible." After an afterthought Eli added, "And that's tomorrow!"

"I know. But look…" Ayumi smiled mischievously, and she leaned closer to Eli's face. "Ed and I are running away together, tonight. We're gonna elope." She grinned, her amethyst eyes sparkling.

Eli's light brown eyes widened. "Eloping?!"

Ayumi nodded. "Sure, it's not the most romantic thing, but we'll still be married, so who gives a damn?"

"Wow…" Eli was almost speechless, but she said a word, so she isn't exactly wordless, am I right?

Ayumi smiled evilly, her eyes flashing with danger. "I'm going now. Next time you see me, I'll be a married woman." She said with a small wave, then leaping from the window, ran off.

Eli watched out the window, seeing her friend run. Suddenly…lightbulb! "What if I tell Roy about this? He'll follow them, and I'll claim my love there!" Eli grinned at her plan, then ran off in pursuit.

-

"Ah…" A woman sighed, sitting on a chair of clouds. "Valentine's Day…most busy friggin' day of the year!" She huffed, jumping from her chair and rubbing her temples. "Oi vey…"

A small baby with little yellow wings and a bow and arrow fluttered to the woman. "Aphrodite, Cupid say's he's all ready!"

"Finally!" Aphrodite exclaimed, flipping back her perfect, golden blond hair. "The boy's a sweet, but he annoys the hell out of me how perfect he has to look."

The cherub shrugged. "Where do you want him to do first?"

Aphrodite, looking at a hand mirror to see if her perfect makeup was still perfectly perfect shrugged. "I dunno…" She wrinkled her nose cutely at the mirror. "Um…let's see. Magic mirror, show me where love is scorn!"

Fwoosh, the mirror showed a scene where Roy was running through the forest, closely followed by Eli.

"Stop following me already!" Roy yelled.

"No! I won't!"

"Fine, hope you get eaten by wild animals or something!" He sprinted into a patch of thick trees, Eli following more.

Aphrodite clicked her tongue. "Tsk, men these days. Send Cupid here first…to Ametris, Central." She flashed a dazzling smile at the cherub.

Cherub dude nodded, already seen one Aphrodite's smiled many times before. He zoomed off.

-

Elsewhere in the forest…

Ayumi and Ed pushed past thick tree branches. When they finally got into a clearing they stopped.

"Okay, where the _hell_ are we Ed?!" Ayumi demanded, pulling leafs from her hair.

"Um…I don't know." Ed admitted sheepishly. "Let's just…sleep here until the morning."

"Fine." Ayumi said, plopping on a patch of moss. Ed lay besides her. Ayumi blushed. "Uh…Ed…can you just…sleep a little farther off…we're not even married yet."

Ed laughed awkwardly and scooted over a few feet. Minutes later they were both asleep.

Poof! Cupid appeared in a bush. "Agh! Ah, shit!" He yelled, untangling himself. "Crap, my hair! It's all messed up." He muttered, trying to fix his hair. He looked around a bit after he was made perfect again, spotting Ed and Ayumi. "Ah, here those mortals are." He aimed and shot a golden arrow at Ed, then climbed up a tree to watch.

Luckily, close by, Eli was still looking for Roy, having lost him. She stumbled over Ed and gasped. "Ed!" She said, shaking him slightly.

Ed opened his eyes slowly and stared at Eli. Suddenly fireworks flew through the air! An overwhelming feeling grew in his heart, almost making him dizzy. "Eli, I love you!" He declared, grabbing her hand.

"What?" Eli's eyes widened. She thought things over quickly. Here Ed was, declaring love to her. Ed was her best friend's fiancé. But Ed was very _very_ sexy. And Ayumi did steal Roy from her…she shook her head and did the only wise thing. She sprinted in the opposite direction.

"Eli, wait!" Ed called for her, chasing her.

Somewhere close, Roy was lost. He heard voices at that clearing. Heading for it, he spotted Ayumi on the ground. "Ayumi, wake up!" Roy yelled.

"Mmm, let me sleep more." Ayumi muttered, rolling over. She sat up quickly. "Roy, what are you doing here?!"

"Great, glad your up. To the wedding!" Roy grabbed Ayumi's hand and attempted to drag her off.

"Roy, shove it!" Ayumi kicked him hard in the groin, and squirmed away as he doubled over.

Up in his perch on the tree, Cupid tried to contain his laughter. _Wow, this is fun!_

"What was that for, babe?" Roy whined as he pouted at her.

"I ain't yo babe, foo!" Ayumi sighed. "Where'd Ed go?!"

Just then, Eli came crashing through the trees, Ed hot on her heels. "Stop it Ed!"

"But I can't, I love you!" Ed said.

"You what?!" Ayumi screeched. "You cheating on me?!"

Ed ignored her, still trying to catch Eli.

Cupid grinned, aiming at Roy next.. _Zing!_

Fireworks flew through the sky! Love blossomed into his heart as Roy looked at Eli. He sooo wanted her! "Eli, I love you!" He declared.

"You do?!" Eli said excitedly, jumping into his arms.

"Bastard! Eli's my girl!" Ed yelled, pulling Eli off Roy.

"Yeah right! She's mine!" Roy said, pulling her back and planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Oh Roy." Eli said, giggling.

"I had her first!" Ed tugged her back and kissed her cheek.

Eli giggled more, turning red.

"Roy, keep Ayumi! And hand me over Eli!" Ed yelled.

"Yeah, right! You had Ayumi, you keep her!"

"Eli! You bitch! Whore! You stole my man!" Ayumi shrieked angrily.

"It's not me!!" Eli yelled, trying hard not to grin as both of them tugged at her, trying to pull her close.

Cupid giggled, as Ayumi pushed Eli down and was about to punch her when she thought better of it and stood up. He aimed and…_Zing! _He fired at Ed and Roy.

Fireworks flew through the air! And yadda yadda they fell madly in love.

Ed's eyes sparkled with tears as he grabbed Roy's hand. "Roy…I love you from the bottom of my heart!"

"What." Ayumi growled, a dark aura forming around her.

Roy sighed. "Edward…I feel the same for you!"

"Roy, hold me close!" Ed said, embracing the older man. (okay…this feels weird to write….keep in mind, I'm not that much of a fan…with…yaoi.)

"It was meant to be…even if I love Roy, I know that he has to be with his true love…and I accept that part of him…" Eli said with a dreamy sigh.

"I'll kill 'em, I swear I will." Ayumi snarled. She looked up, haring someone giggle in the tree above them. "Hey! Who are you?!" She yelled, pointing at Cupid.

Cupid froze mid-laugh. _Dammit, I'm gonna get in so much trouble with Mom if I'm caught!_ He was about to poof when Ayumi climbed up and grabbed him, pulling him down. "I said 'who are you', don't MAKE me beat it outta you!" She yelled.

"I-I-I'm Cupid." Cupid stuttered.

"Cupid?" Ayumi raised an eyebrow. "Psh, you ain't real…" She thought for a moment. "You do this?!?!" She shouted, pointing to Ed and Roy, who were fiercely making out. She stared at them, then became enraged again. "FIX THIS!" She screamed, grabbing him by the collar.

"Let go of me fool!" Cupid said smugly. "I don't have to do anything for you mortals, so let go and stop messing up my shirt."

"FIX IT NOW YOU BASTARD!" Ayumi yelled, lifting Cupid clean off the ground and shaking him madly.

"Ayumi!" Eli said, trying to stop her. "Stop, they're fine the way they are!"

"Aaaahhh, fine!" Cupid snapped his fingers.

Ed and Roy blinked from their um…weird position. "GAH!" Ed yelled, jumping back and scratching at his tongue.

"What the hell Fullmetal?!" Roy yelled, spitting and gagging.

"Ah, damn." Eli sighed.

Ayumi was still shaking Cupid, mad that her lover just made out with Roy.

"Leeeeeet goooooooo!" Cupid said dizzily. Since she wasn't (and shaking him faster now), he reached into his arrow holder thingy, snatching an arrow and stabbing Ayumi's hand.

"Ow!" Ayumi let go, pulling the arrow out. "Dammit, what the hell was that for?!"

"Ayumi, you okay?!" Ed and Roy said at the same time, running to her.

And…unfortunately, Ayumi looked at Roy first. Fireworks blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Ayumi grabbed Roy's hand, tears in her eyes. "Roy, I love you!"

"What?!" Ed and Eli shouted at the same time. Cupid chuckled.

Roy smiled. "Great, to our wedding!"

Ayumi sighed, laying her head on Roy's chest. "I'm so happy…"

"Hey! Ayumi, get away from him." Ed said, glaring at Roy.

Ayumi stuck out her tongue, and lifted her middle finger.

"Ayumi, you man stealer!" Eli shouted, flailing her arms.

Silently, Cupid was aiming more arrows. _Zing!_ He fired, hitting everyone.

Fireworks!

Ed fell in love with Ayumi (more now, since he was already, myahaha)

Ayumi stayed in love with Roy.

Eli fell in love with Ed.

Roy fell in love with Eli.

It was a love square! Or rectangle! Or….rhombus…or parrelo…parro…parallelogram….IT WAS 4 SIDED, OKAY!

After the whole, declaration thingy, everyone started fighting with each other trying to get to their 'love'.

"Roy, why won't you except my love?!"

"Eli, be mine!"

"Ayumi! Stop hanging onto the creep!"

"Ed, noo!"

"Ow, that hurt bitch!"

Cupid cracked up, rolling on the floor and holding his sore ribs.

"Eww, don't touch me there!"

"Let go off my hair, whore!"

"He's my man, BACK OFF!"

"OWW, FUCK!"

"ENOUGH!" Aphrodite exploded into the clearing, making everyone fly in different directions.

"Ah, Mom!" Cupid straightened himself quickly. "I was just-"

"Making one hell of a problem, that's what!" Aphrodite yelled, bitch-slapping him. "You have some nerve. Valentine's Day is chaos enough with_out_ you!"

"Rooooy doesn't looove meeee!" Ayumi wailed.

"I love you Ayumi!" Ed cried, clinging her.

"Ew! Ed, off!" Ayumi pushed him off.

Aphrodite sighed. "Idiot." She said, pulling on Cupid's ears and ignoring his little "Ow ow ow ow ow"s. She snapped her fingers once, then exploded out, knocking everyone out.

Later on when everyone woke up…

"Oww, my head." Eli moaned, pulling herself into a sitting position.

"What the hell happened…Edo!" Ayumi clung to him as he tried to stand up.

"Ayumi!" Ed smiled.

"I had a really weird nightmare." Roy said.

"Yeah…" Eli muttered.

"I was…"

"In love with everyone?"

"Making out with Ed!" Roy gagged.

"Please..don't remind me." Ed muttered, glad it was all just a nightmare.

"Oh mi gawd, it's morning! Ed, we have a wedding to go to!" Ayumi panicked suddenly.

"Yeah, ours!" Roy said, grabbing Ayumi's arm and dragging her off.

"Shove it already!" Ayumi kicked him in the groin again

Cupid randomly poofed back and silently stuck an arrow on Roy. Fireworks! Roy fell in love with Eli, blab la bla. Cupid poofed away.

"Did you guys just see that…" Ed asked slowly.

"See what?" Ayumi asked, watching Eli and Roy curiously.

"Nothing…"

-

**I'll end it there. That was fun to write! Mind you, that was just a oneshot and etc. Please review!**


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